No, not to the blog... to my life!
In life, change is inevitable, right? Most of the changes in my life have been results of my own choices. So, why does change affect me the way it does? I had to go to the thesaurus to define my feelings, and I came up with a lot of "dis" words: discomfited, disconnected, disconcerted, disengaged, discombobulated. "Discombobulated" probably describes it best; I feel agitated and confused.
Six years ago, when we decided to move from a house I loved in a place I loved in order to be closer to family, I felt all of those things. Now I am beginning to feel all of them again. We think we have outlived our present house. Some of our friends have moved to condos in an over 55 building. They rave about their carefree lifestyle and they travel often. We could do that too. It sounds appealing to both of us. But, of course, it means moving, selling the house, and getting rid of lots and lots of "stuff".
I feel paralyzed. Part of me loves having a yard and lots of privacy. I like the independence of a free-standing house and the possibility of having a lovely garden (even though I don't garden much) and sitting by a roaring fire in the winter (even though we have a gas fireplace with a remote control). Can my vision of life fit into a condo? True, we could travel more and spend time in Hawaii during the winter. True, we could have our four cats with us and they would be fine.
Moving out of a house feels like giving up my youth and admitting to being an older person, entering a different phase of life. I know lots of youthful, vibrant people living in over 55 condos. They probably have more fun than I do. But, thinking I will never live in my own home again discombobulates me a little.