Friday, January 11, 2013
Good Grief, Charlie Brown!
I have always felt a kinship with Charlie Brown. He's a sensitive soul and often misunderstood. Recently, though, I'm afraid I've been acting a little more like Lucy... grumpy and short tempered.
I don't handle change well. Since my husband was laid off from his job, our lives have suddenly changed. Retirement. Social Security. Medicare. So many things to figure out. I feel as if one life has ended and another is being thrust upon us. I'm not prepared for it. There are so many things I don't understand. At the same time I've been helping my mom with a lot of things she doesn't understand. Her husband died in October and she is facing changes too. Legal matters. Financial matters.
I have always felt more or less in control of my life. Suddenly there are so many things I don't understand. I find myself with my head in my hands, just blanking out, not knowing what to do or how to do it. I need to find my fight, my motivation to take on the world and tackle it.
My husband used to travel for work. When he wasn't traveling, he was in his home office working or on the phone. His company took away his computer and his phone. He's in a new place too, without a clear plan for each day. We are struggling together to make sense of this new life without work. We are on a decluttering and organizing effort in the house, and sometimes our priorities clash. What should we do with this? Will we ever need that?
I've been angry a lot, too. For one thing, I watch too much news. I like to know what's going on, but sometimes I think I would be better off not knowing. I see our government talking about cutting Social Security and Medicare, just when we are approaching a time when we might need it. I think: "isn't there anything else they could cut?" I see Senators and Congress people who have guaranteed health care and pensions. How can they understand the rest of us? Shouldn't they receive the same benefits they legislate for us?
Most upsetting of all, I see the arguments about gun control. I don't see anything wrong with sensible rules and regulations when it comes to owning and using guns, but I read internet comments of those who have VERY strong feelings about this, who are afraid someone is coming to take their guns away, and who sound like they are arming themselves for a civil war. It frightens me. They are actually making threats to go out and create mayhem. What are we coming to?
As you can tell, I really need to lighten up. I should see life as an adventure and count my blessings. I need to stop watching the news, go outside for a walk, and commune with the trees. Good grief!