Monday, June 4, 2012

A Puzzle

I've been trying to put the pieces together... for my mom and her husband, David. Things are complicated. David's son has taken over control of his dad, and my mom no longer knows what to do.

David has dementia, complicated by a stroke. He is in a nursing home now. He can't walk, dress himself or feed himself. He is in a nursing home five minutes from his and my mom's house. She comes every day to visit and help him eat his meals.

Before David went into the nursing home, his son Bob took him to his house so he and his wife could care for David (Bob's wife is a nurse). After the care became too much for him, they decided on a nursing home. When son Bob took David he obtained medical and financial power of attorney for his dad. He took over all of David's financial dealings.

Now that Medicare has paid their share of 100% covered days, they are charging $50 per day coinsurance, which Bob has been paying out of David's money. Recently, Bob said he wants to move David to a less expensive nursing home, closer to his own home. That would mean my mom wouldn't be able to drive there by herself to visit David.

Now, Bob says David "just wants to go home" which means he would be living with Mom again. Mom can not handle David by herself. She has told Bob he will have to take him back to his house, or move him to another nursing home.

Today I called the nursing home to see if my mom and I could meet with them and discuss David's care, and what the options are. They told me they can not discuss his case with us because Bob has power of attorney. Bob has been driving my mom crazy; he has a short temper and every time one of us calls him to ask a question he calls and yells at her.

My sisters and I are in a dilemma... we are helping Mom with her finances. She is 87 years old and she gets confused. The other day I found a savings account that she forgot she had. She also has a claim with the state for some "unclaimed money" from an old investment. Tomorrow I am taking the claim form up to her so she can have it notarized. We are trying to help her with those things and with what to do about David. It all feels like a big puzzle!

p.s. Following up on my new diet, I had salmon left over from dinner last night, so I made a salmon salad for lunch today. Not going vegan, but I think it's pretty healthy.


Arthur Ransome said...

Yes, that looks extremely healthy to me and it's so important to look after yourself when you have these family problems going on.

judy in ky said...

I appreciate your support. When I was speaking to my mom on the phone trying to sort out these issues, I noticed I was getting a headache. After, I sat down in a quiet place and breathed deeply for a few minutes. I felt much better and the headache disappeared.

Bearette said...

my mil was on weight watchers for many years and always swore by salmon

judy in ky said...

Fortunately, I have always like it...