Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Aging Parents

Today my sister and I are driving to visit my mom and stepdad. They live about an hour away, and are in their eighties. They are in that stage of life where they need help. He is unable to drive as he has macular degeneration and the beginning stages of dementia. Their house needs work, both inside and out, but they are unable to do it and say they can't afford to hire someone.

They are unwilling to move. He loves his home, where he has lived most of his adult life. He says his office is there, and if they move he will never be able to find any of his papers again. But they are having a hard time keeping track of papers already. My mom says they have a CD at a bank, but the bank says it's not there, and they can't find any papers to track it down.

She seems willing to move, but doesn't know how they will ever be able to move because of the accumulation of "stuff" in the house. My sister and I are trying to help them with this, but they are not organized enough to tell us what to keep and what to go. Their friends have moved into a very nice senior facility, but they don't think they can afford it. We have suggested that they move closer to us, but they don't want to leave their church and my mom's art classes.

Everything seems to be at an impasse, with no one knowing exactly what to do. We can help them in their present circumstances, but they really need to make a major change in their living arrangements. We are not in a position to help them financially, as we are already thinking about how to afford our own retirement.

I hear there are many others of our own generation who are in a similar predicament. It's not easy.


Nonye said...

I understand dear, God will give u the grace to help them. Its well

rachel said...

It certainly isn't easy. My own experience showed me that staying at home was the best place for my mother, from an emotional point of view, but that a lot more practical but discreet help was needed. And more patience than I ever knew I possessed....

Take it one step at a time. Your parents will know when they really do need things to be different.

judy in ky said...

Thank you both for your wise words. We will indeed take it a step at a time... with patience.