I once had a psychologist tell me I had a "flat affect". Lack of emotional response. I've read that it happens when a person is depressed. I've had bouts of depression, that's true. I've also had times when the depression goes away. The ability to feel joy and enthusiasm comes and goes. Joy and enthusiasm have eluded me recently. Along with them goes creativity. So, I have been finding it difficult to write anything interesting here.
I made a mistake when I stopped working and moved away from my life in Philadelphia. In my blog profile, I wrote that I "am trying to assimilate". I'm not doing a very good job of it, I'm afraid. I live too far out in the country. I didn't realize what a city person I was becoming until the city was taken away. In my former life, I hopped on the train every morning and entered the outside world. The outside world eludes me here; my world has shrunken.
How do I find my way back? My husband resists moving again. His life hasn't changed that much, he still has the same job and still travels... just flies out of a different airport now. When I try to tell me how I feel, he thinks I am over-reacting, just being dramatic. Don't get me wrong, he is a good man, but you know how men can be. It isn't his fault. It isn't anyone's fault. We are closer to my family, that's true. But while we lived away from here (for twenty years) I became a different person... different religion, different political views. As they say, "you can't go home again". So now, where do I go?