Once A Year Is Not Enough

Sadly, I am not a mom. We tried infertility treatment, four years of IVF, but finally gave up because of financial and emotional reasons. I love children, though. I swoon over babies now without feeling sorry for myself. I have nieces that are like daughters to me and the older they get the more I appreciate them. I can see from how hard my sister works that being a mom is a FULL-TIME job, and I admire moms a lot. Plus, I still have my own mom to celebrate Mother's Day with. So, to all the moms who read this... enjoy your day!

Finding Balance

I've written before about my 88-year old mom. She's having a rough time; her husband David is declining into dementia and recently suffered a stroke. He had been staying at his son's house, where his son and son's wife were caring for him; now he has been moved to a hospital.

My mom is now alone in their house. The hospital is thirty miles from her, and she is not comfortable driving on the interstate. My sister is driving up today to take her to the hospital to visit David. I am driving up tomorrow to take my nieces to a Mother's Day banquet at Mom's church.

As you can tell, we are doing a lot of driving back and forth to help Mom (about an hour away). My sister has asked our mom to move in with her family; they have a separate suite in their walkout basement. It will be easier when Mom is living here. However, she doesn't want to leave her and David's house yet. She doesn't know what will happen with him; it now looks like he may not come back home.

I have found relief from stress and worry through exercise at the YMCA. I woke up this morning with little energy, but I made myself get dressed and drive to the Y. I started the class feeling fatigued, but ended up feeling energized. Also, I struck up a conversation with a woman in the class who has experienced similar issues with her mother. It helped my physically and emotionally.

I'm going to make every effort to get to the Y to exercise on a regular basis. I think I am finding a sense of balance.

Sick Kitty

One of the little black kitties in this photo is sick. Her eye is infected and she is sneezing. We want to catch her and take her to the vet, but catching a feral cat is a problem. We put the no-kill trap out a few nights ago, but caught a different cat. This could go on for quite a while because there are a dozen of them out there. We tried catching her in a big net but she is too fast. I'm thinking of throwing a blanket over her, but she runs when she sees us coming.

We want to help her, but we have to catch her first. She and her littermates are among the friendliest of the feral cats. They will come close to us when we hold treats out. One of them was friendly enough to be adopted and lives with us (Munchkin). This sick kitty is Munchkin's sister and we really would like to help her. Does anyone have any ideas?

The Avengers... No, Not That One, The Other One

Does anyone remember the original "Avengers" from the 1960s? The British TV show starring Patrick MacNee and Diana Rigg? It was stylish and very, very cool. An unlikely pair of crime fighters, the eccentric John Steed and sexy, intelligent Emma Peel got involved in the most fascinating capers, sometimes bordering on sic-fi. It was cleverly written and slyly acted. Every time I hear about "The Avengers" now, that's what I remember.

Storm Shelters and Bomb Shelters

Having lived in "tornado alley" for a number of years, I have seen my share of tornadoes. As you may know, the vast majority of tornado deaths are among people who live in mobile homes. A mobile home is one of the worst places to be in a tornado. They are picked up and twisted and torn apart. This March we had a particularly bad batch of tornadoes near us in Kentucky, Indiana and Ohio. My husband and I heard the sirens and knew we had to take shelter. We are lucky to have a home with a basement. When the tornado sirens go off we head to the basement. It got me to thinking, what about those who live in mobile homes; where can they go?

What about shelters, like the one in this photo? Why can't they have those in mobile home parks?

I have seen them. Some years ago, I visited Israel and stayed on a kibbutz for a couple of nights. The kibbutz was near the border with Lebanon, so it wasn't unusual for them to have rockets shot at them from across the border. When they showed us to their guest house where we were to stay, they also showed us where the bomb shelters were. Below is a picture of a bomb shelter on a kibbutz in Israel.

It occurred to me that mobile home parks should have storm shelters, similar to the bomb shelters in Israel. It would save lives, without a doubt.

Hiding?

Hiding? No, just taking the weekend off. I feel like a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders. I can breathe freely. Have a good weekend, everyone!

Uphill

This is how life looks to me at the moment. Uphill and around the bend (not sure what's coming next).

My sister and I are trying to help my mom through a difficult time. Mom married Dave in 1996, two years after our father died. They were both in their seventies and healthy. Now they are both in their late eighties. Their health is failing, especially his. He can neither see nor hear well. He is in the early stages of dementia.

When they married, my mom sold her house and moved into Dave's house. She paid off his mortgage from the proceeds from her house, and he put her name on the deed. They made a will to make the survivor the sole owner of the house upon the other's death. They have lived in the house since their marriage in 1996. Over the years the condition of the house has declined. The house is not in good shape now.

My sisters and I have tried for several years to convince them to sell their house and move to a senior facility. They told us all the reasons they didn't want to do that: 1) Dave was too attached to his house after forty years; 2) they didn't think they could afford a senior facility, after all their house was mortgage free; 3) the house was in no shape to sell, they would stay long enough to have it fixed up. Finally, mom's answer was "we are going to let God take care of it".

Well, now you could say God has spoken. A couple of weeks ago, Dave had a stroke. Since then my mom could no longer care for him. Dave's son took him to his house, leaving my mom alone in the house she and Dave had shared since their marriage. They have been living on Social Security, a combination of his and hers. Now that he has moved to his son's house, it seems she will no longer be receiving his share of living expenses. Dave's son came last week to take all of "Dad's financials" including his checkbook (they have kept their finances separate).

Mom called my sister in a panic. How was she going to live? Would Dave be coming back to their house? We said we would call Dave's son to find out what was going on (she says his intimidates her and gets angry if she asks questions: "Don't you trust me?"). When we called him he got very angry and called my mom, saying she was "siccing (sp?) your relatives on me". Yesterday she said Dave's son intends to get power of attorney over Dave and have Dave change their will, cutting her out as sole survivor. We told her it sounds like she might need an attorney; she says she can't afford one.

What a mess. My sister has told Mom she can move in with them (they have a large home with a suite in the basement). My other sister told Mom that she and Dave would have to "spend down" all of their assets so he could qualify for Medicare. Now Mom is afraid they will take all of her savings for this and she will be left with nothing. We are all in a quandary. We have told Mom not to worry, that we are all there for her. My sister told her not to be alone with the son-in-law because he upsets her so badly. (He's a big, gruff, angry guy.)

Of course she does nothing but worry. Now my sisters and I are worried too. We feel powerless to do anything but wait and see what happens to Dave and what his son does. We called a lawyer who will charge $230 an hour and none of us can afford that. Why does everything always come down to money? I guess this is the typical Baby Boomers' dilemma these days; kids asking for money, parents needing money, meanwhile figuring out how to retire.