Sunday, July 18, 2010
I've Got Issues...
Sometimes I feel paralyzed. Stuck. There are so many things I need to fix. My BMI is too high. I am not fit. I can't walk up a flight of stairs without becoming breathless. So, I need to fix that.
My house is too cluttered. I don't know where to begin. The closet too full of clothes. The bathroom too full of old cosmetics. The basement too full of stuff we never use. I have made some progress but it never seems like enough. Things seem to keep multiplying. There is always too much stuff on the kitchen counters, and too much stuff piled up in the laundry room. My fridge and my pantry are both so full that I can't find anything, and every time I open the door something falls out.
I babysit my three nieces on Tuesdays. I am supposed to get them to do their chores, their spelling, their math (yes, they still have schoolwork in the summer), and practice the piano. All they want to do is watch television. They are not supposed to watch Cartoon Network or ICarly. So, of course, those are the things they love the most. Some days I am too tired to be the enforcer.
I always seem to be falling short, at least in my own mind. I go to sleep thinking of all I haven't accomplished that day. I wake up in the morning with renewed motivation, start on a project, then get tired halfway through the day, leaving "stuff" half done all over the house. I switch from project to project, never sticking with one to completion. Sometimes I wonder if I have adult ADD.
I watch the news and I get mad. I can't find peace at home because of all the "stuff" closing in on me. Oh, and I worry about money running out during retirement.
I worry about everything. My mind races, but my body is tired. I hope this is just a "phase" and I get over it. Maybe I need a vacation. But then I would have to pack. Oh dear.