My Election Day Essay

I voted this morning.  I guess you can tell from the photo how I voted.  It reflects a lot of my values.  I believe in giving all of our kids the best education we can.  I believe in quality public schools, well-paid teachers and small classes.  I also believe in Head Start for kids born into less fortunate circumstances.  I believe in public television and public radio.  I believe in the arts.  I believe in a clean environment and conservation of wild places.

It isn't always easy for me to express myself about politics and values.  I grew up in a strictly Republican family. Once my grandfather insulted his sister by saying "My God, Ruth, you look like a Democrat".  Then the Vietnam war happened.  I was a student at Kent State when the National Guard shot and killed four students.  My Republican father was shaken to the core; he said "It could have been my own daughter they killed".  He lost faith in the Republican governor who had called in the guard.  He became disillusioned with Nixon.  I heard people blaming the students for protesting the war in the first place.  I heard a lot of people saying, "America, love it or leave it".

Well, the first time I voted, I voted for George McGovern.  My father was confused, conflicted.  He was shocked that his oldest daughter would vote for a Democrat.  He was beginning to have doubts of his own, though he never talked about it.  My mother is a devout Christian, who told me when I got divorced I would go to hell.  I had a dream of being in a Cathedral, looking up at the stained glass window.  Suddenly a bolt of lightning struck, shattering the window and shaking me awake with the crash.  I was guilty and afraid.

After I graduated from college and got married, I moved away from my midwestern roots.  I was exposed to many people with many beliefs.  My childhood beliefs were being challenged.  I had been taught by Catholic nuns as a child.  I got into trouble with a priest when Vatican II announced new rules, and I asked "does that mean all the people who went to hell for eating meat on Friday get out now?".  As many young people do, I questioned my faith throughout my college years.  I responded by reading a lot of books about all the religions of the world.  My ideas expanded to include many different possibilities.

Now I live in an area where my political leanings are in the minority... I live in a "Red State".  After living in a "Blue State" for a number of years, it hasn't been easy.  I am hesitant to share my ideas and my beliefs.  I am afraid people will "shun" me.  My own niece, when I told them who I voted for four years ago said, "you can't be in our family any more".  When my extended family came to my house for a holiday I put up a "NO POLITICS" sign because it makes me uncomfortable to have to defend myself.  I guess I am too sensitive, but I don't like conflict.  This election year has been full of conflict and hard feelings, and it breaks my heart.

So, what are the answers?  I don't know.  I just vote the way I believe and don't try to change the minds who believe differently from me.  For example, I don't say anything when my mother quotes Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh.  I still love her, whatever she believes.  I wish more people could love each other no matter what they believe.  I wish I could be more sure that people will still accept me when they know what I believe.