My head has been spinning...
and my tummy has been acting up.
I have had a couple of months worrying about my mom and helping her adjust to widowhood and aging. She has been feeling overwhelmed by probate issues and by a house that's falling apart. I am the oldest daughter, so I have been trying my best to help. I think the worry has been affecting me more than I realized.
I have also been dealing with issues of where and how my husband and I want to spend our retirement. One issue is money; will we have enough savings to support ourselves? It's a common worry these days, I know. Another issue is where we want to live. We used to live in Philadelphia area, and we have good friends there. We just spent a week in Mexico with them, and it makes us realize how much we would like to be close to them again. They live in a condo designed for 55 and over residents.
There is a lovely condo that is just waiting for us there, if we want to buy it.
Right now we live in a cozy little house in Kentucky. I like the house and we are near family, but we have no friends here other than our next door neighbors. We have a little colony of feral cats that we care for, with our neighbors' help. I worry about what would happen to them if we should move away. I know it sounds silly to some people, but I feel attached to them. Also, I have found myself feeling attached to the countryside around here, and I think I could miss it.
So, do I want a quiet, rural existence with little or no social life, or do I want to move back to Philadelphia and have a busier, more lively social life?
Or, on the other hand...
I would love to live in a cottage in Hawaii. I love Hawaii; it's my favorite place in the world and I feel happiest there. I have suggested to my husband that we sell everything and prepare to move ourselves and our four cats to Hawaii. We could live there during our sixties and seventies, and be happy in our old age. Who knows what will happen to us in our eighties and nineties, if we live that long?
The fact that we have only a few more decades of active life left is putting me into a bit of a panic, I'm afraid. I want to make the best of things before we find ourselves in my mom's position. So I am feeling stress about indecision and a sense of having only so much time. I need to stop stressing.
Just remember to breath, Judy.
ReplyDeleteIn and out, slow and easy.
((hugs))
I will remember that, Natalie. I'm starting right now. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteNo useful advice from me, I'm afraid. I was born a worrier (or, as my husband says, I can worry about the fact that there is nothing to worry about!)
ReplyDeleteWhoowee Judy - so many choices -also involving the heart - your mum, the cats. The business around your Mum has been quite traumatic too - I think you have done well to manage as you have - no wonder you are feeling anxiety.
ReplyDeleteI think we could all feel better if there was a reassuring big booming voice from the universe saying 'it will all be alright in the end'.
Uncertainty about the future (our own as well as our parents) is difficult, but as my husband says 'make a decision, and if it doesn't work, make another one'. Easier said that done though, when finances are involved, but then, when aren't they! Hope you are feeling better soon.
(I'm a worrier too - would give anything not to be!)
You are doing such a great job!
Thanks for the kind words; they do help. I guess I get the worry gene from my Dad. He used to say he was worried because he forgot what he was supposed to be worrying about!
ReplyDelete